《 Listen Up! 》

there has been a general meh feeling surrounding me lately. there is no infinite sadness, just feeling a tad melancholy. i feel unloved because of what's been going on at home and with friends, and i know i really shouldn't be bother by it, but i gotta admit that work politics is getting to me as well.

i think another reason for this particular bout of the blues is the fact that i’ve been fairly sick for over a week now. funny thing is that i finally get a day off after many many days of work and sleep deprive. this morning i woke up sick. proper sick. it almost feels like i've been holding the sickness within me because i knew i couldn't possibly be sick when work has been so hectic.

i’ve been craving solitude. this happens on occasion, which probably explains why i'm such a flake sometimes. i mean my primary innate tendency is towards fun and happenings, but when the mood hits where i don’t gravitate towards these things i tend to avoid them. although i always end up feeling glad when i do make the effort to go out and do something fun while i'm in this mood. but it still doesn’t change the fact that i didn’t really feel inclined to go in the first place.

after learning that some people will never be your friends, because they are inconsiderate, unkind, snobby motherfuckers human beings, in my case. i'm starting to question if people who are already your friends can stay that way. god i'm beginning to sound like a cynical little brat who thinks she is totally hardly done by. don't get me wrong. i do appreciate all the lovely people around me, but i can't help but freak out a little when things are changing all the time.

sometimes i wonder if i'm qualified to be an adult.